Here's a public service announcement because I'm just that kind of a nice guy.

Now listen up. To all you kiddies who think getting a girlfriend or boyfriend or life partner (or whatever it is you call 'getting up, close and personal with someone') will make your life super duper awesome -- take my advice. Get a fucking hamster. I hear they live for up to three years and that's still longer than the lifespan of most relationships.

You'll thank me someday.